Several times recently, random people have commented to me, “Things are going so well for you!” or “You’re so lucky!” or “I’m jealous!” Such comments usually catch me off guard, because I know what they don’t; there are so many more things I want to accomplish. But recently, after replying with a “Thank you!” and continuing on with my day, I started thinking deeper about what they had said.

It isn’t luck. It hasn’t been easy. And it certainly wasn’t the way my adult life began.

The only way to success in life is through a LOT of hard work. Physical work, mental exertion, and emotional toil. It takes wrestling with your fears and self-doubt. It takes choosing to move in spite of fear that yells in your ear. “Stay put! You are not good enough! You made a lot of mistakes! Bad mistakes! What will people say?” Fear is a tough obstacle to overcome. When presented with opportunities for growth, fear demands you stay put. But, success takes saying “yes” to change, more than saying “no.”

When did I have to say, “yes,” even though I was shaking in my snow boots? (Hey, I do live in MN…) Here are a few of the times (not necessarily in successive order):

Choosing to leave the father of my kids and move 2,000 miles away, believing that I didn’t deserve an abusive marriage, meaning I had to “disobey” the directive of my pastor who didn’t believe in divorce
Applying for my first job as a mother (I had no career other than being a stay-at-home mom)
Signing up for support groups and meeting with counselors and therapists to begin my healing process
Obtaining my nursing assistant certification and applying for nursing school
Walking into my first nursing class, where I was thinking, “What am I doing? I can’t do this!”
Leaving more than one job where I wasn’t appreciated (overworked and underpaid) to find employers that were paramount in my growth and success
Choosing to wrestle with and forge my own beliefs about God and spirituality
Leaving three more relationships where I faced infidelity and emotional and physical abuse (without knowing where I’d live or how I’d survive)
Taking my nursing boards, then facing numerous daunting job interviews where I felt under-qualified, especially after being turned down at some of them
Committing to 12 weeks of work with a life coach, then 4 more weeks when I uncovered some more internal work that I needed help to process
Deciding to take almost 2 years off from dating, remaining single even though I hated being alone, doing the hard work of learning to become comfortable being alone with myself
Opening myself to dating again, trusting that I would eventually meet and fall in love someone who matched my desires and goals for life
Choosing to go back to school to finish my Bachelor’s
Accepting the offer for my current position, even though the idea of public speaking terrified the introverted side of me

In any single one of those instances, I could have said “no” to growth and change. I could have stayed put, not rocked the boat, accepted my “lot” in life, and continued to exist in relative conformity. There is not much fear associated with functioning in the same-old, same-old life.

But how would that have benefited me? What would I have missed out on by choosing to say “no” instead?

I’d still be stuck with an abusive husband, trying to raise my kids in a depressed, overwhelming, tired home. My kids would be unhappy and bitter, and I would be too. And when they were grown, I would have had nothing to occupy my time, other than being the brunt of my ex-husband’s jokes that were only “funny” to him.

I wouldn’t be where I am today. My experiences, and my choices to move forward, accept change, and pursue growth led me to my current successes. I also have to credit my therapists, counselors, and life coach for holding my hand and encouraging me to push forward through it all. I wouldn’t hold an executive position, have a relationship with a wonderful man who treats me like a queen, be saving to buy a home next year, or be graduating with my Bachelor’s degree in two weeks without all that hard work.

When you look at others around you who seem to have it all, or seem to only have good things happen to them, remember that they’ve probably done a lot of difficult work to get there. Even though it hasn’t been visible to you, they have made some hard choices to accept growth and painfully excise what no longer was meant to be a part of their lives.

What’s the take-home message? Say “YES!” to the things that encourage self-growth, improvement, and a life full of love and joy. Even though fear may taunt you, tell you that you aren’t good enough, or try to keep you stuck, say, “yes” anyway.

Bottom line? You can do this too. You can make some positive, but maybe uncomfortable, changes in your life. You never what kind of success waits for you on the other side of your growing pains. One of the main components of our lives is how we grow in response to challenges; it’s the self-work we’ve done to become fully ourselves.

What can you say “yes” to right now?

Much love,

Rachel