We are all broken. Not one of us has been able to get through this life without gathering some scars along the way. Living in an imperfect world guarantees that we all carry wounds at various stages of healing. We all hurt. We all bleed. We all feel emotions that are difficult to handle.
Think of how many songs deal with the subject of pain and heartbreak. Even if you’ve had the opportunity to work through past situations and trauma, their influence will still show up in some shape or form in your life from time to time. Just like a physical scar, an emotional scar will continue to exist for the rest of our natural lives.
For example, if you grew up with abuse, even if you’ve attended years of individual and group therapy, you are still going to have to fight against the tendency to re-enact the same behaviors and scenarios in your own life. If you haven’t worked through your pain, the wounds that have not been healed, that are still festering with infection, show up in much more dramatic and disruptive ways.
To be successful in life and to reach the greatest potential you hold, you must be willing to fix the broken pieces. You may never “look” the same again. There may be some residual super glue. There may be some visible cracks and scars. But you cannot build meaningful, successful relationships with completely broken parts. It would be like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that are missing corners and knobs. The puzzle may come together in a haphazard way, but it is going to have holes. It is going to be incomplete. Think of the phrase, “trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.” Or think of trying to fill a glass that has no bottom. It will never be full of the love you so desperately desire.
I have a decorative plate by a famous painter that was given to me as a special gift. On a random day, my partner at the time carelessly knocked it off the wall, shattering it into multiple pieces. I was absolutely heart-broken. How could someone be so frivolous with something that meant so much to me? I desperately gathered all the broken pieces off the floor, bought some super glue, and sat down for hours, gingerly putting it back together. There was no way it looked the same. It still had some empty gaps. There was a very visible crack across the center. It was no longer suitable for displaying on the wall. However, since I had such an emotional attachment to it, I could not discard it completely.
Through multiple moves, that plate traveled with me. Through multiple therapy sessions, the plate became a symbolic exhibit of the emotional pain I overcame. Just as my partner had been careless with my treasured plate, he had been careless with our relationship as well. So now, I do not keep the plate to remind me of my anger and pain, I keep it to remind me of my strength and of what I accomplished by choosing to leave his carelessness behind. I have let my experiences shape my character into the woman I desire to be. Our experiences can reshape our character for the better just like an artist repairing a broken piece of pottery.
If I refuse to look carefully into a mirror at my present nature, I will not be to see what needs to be fixed. It is not a matter of not accepting who I am at present. I fully embrace myself as okay, as acceptable, in this present moment, all flaws and strengths included. But I also believe not one of us finishes growing until the day we die. Based on that, there is always self-work to be done. How can you see that need unless you are honest with your own reflection?
There are many people who refuse to acknowledge their brokenness. For some it is too painful. For others, it is too much hard work. Some have never been taught the skills needed to work through experiences. However, it all boils down to the same thing for each of us. There is a decision to be made each time you are hurt. Will you allow the hurt to break a part of you that needs to be healed, or will you ignore a festering wound of pain that will eventually turn toxic?
Based on my experiences, I’ve found choosing to ignore my pain and pretending I see a whole person when looking in the mirror has only brought me more pain and failure. On the other hand, allowing myself to be broken and healed only made me stronger. Fixing what was broken within myself allowed me to be wholly present within all my relationships.
We all hurt. We are all broken. The options for each of us are either choosing to ignore the wound until it becomes infected and toxic to our life, or choosing to fix what’s broken and allowing a wound to heal into a scar. It doesn’t mean that the scars will not still affect our lives from time to time, but healing changes how they show up in and the level of influence they have.
Am I done being hurt? No. Being hurt again is a risk inherent to life. I cannot fully live without risking pain. So that means, in the future, I risk being broken again. And that means I likely will have more healing to do. But what I choose to do with those wounds is what makes me into a better person each day.
Allow yourself to be broken, molded, and healed. Your future self awaits eagerly.