Recently I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Her Rules Radio by Alexandra Jamieson. On one of the episodes, she had a guest on the show, author of Transparency, Penney Peirce. They were discussing the topics of inner energy and vibrations. Fascinating, right?
I know even approaching these topics throws some people off. The walls may go up; whoever started the discussion might be labeled “a bit crazy.” At the bare minimum, a blank stare may appear or a “hmmmm” may slip out of the listener’s mouth. The idea of one’s personal energy and vibrational space might seem “too far out there” for some people. And that’s ok. I am not here to change anyone’s mind. I just know what has happened for me personally, and some close friends have told me stories that are similar to mine. I just put it out there in hopes something I’ve learned may benefit you as well.
The fascinating premise that caught my attention during the podcast was this: as soon as you make a commitment to being your true self – expect to be ejected from situations where you no longer fit. Whaaat? Yes! It is true. Uncomfortably true. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t true. Occasionally I even want to go back and undo my commitment so I can have my comfort back. Change can suck.
So let me tell you a little bit of my story that makes me think that perhaps these women are onto something – that maybe what they said has some truth to it.
In 2014, I invested in life coaching services and began working with a therapist. I made a commitment to becoming my true self. I wanted to find out who I was and what I truly wanted out of life, independent of my family, my relationships, and my career. Thus began a journey of many hours of introspection and challenging mental and written exercises,
Shortly after, in the beginning of 2015, I went through a devastating breakup during a time where I had no guaranteed income (I was working on-call hours only), strapped finances and large amounts of debt. To top it all off, I was involved in a car accident just after I moved into my own place. It was a difficult time period, to put it succinctly. I was suddenly shaken with finality out of my comfort zone on many different levels.
Looking back from my current perspective, I can see that all of that hit me just prior to a major breakthrough in my life. It was as if the universe had to test me to see if I was ready for what was in store. I had to let go of some negative thought patterns about my self-worth and what I deserved. I had to learn who I was without outside forces giving me value. I had to understand what I brought to the table when I ate alone. I had to release the energy blockage that was preventing what was meant for me from appearing in my life.
As I began sorting through and discarding the broken pieces of my life that were no longer needed, during the summer of 2015, I began seeing many positive changes and evidence of self-growth. I started climbing the management ladder of my career, enrolled in school to complete my Bachelors, and fought my way out of debt. I started dating again, learning a lot about myself, and finding myself attracting better potential partners. I found a new closeness with my daughters, creating relationships with them that I had always wanted. I even entered a new and supportive romance a year later.
Now it’s 2018 and guess where I am. Unemployed (I was laid off at the beginning of February), single again, and involved in another car accident a couple months ago (*insert incredulous look here*). I thought things were going so well. I had a completed college degree, a promising career position in management, and what I thought was a beautiful relationship full of unconditional love. What happened?
I have no choice but to re-analyze what needed shaking out of me this time around. And I think I understand – thankfully a little quicker than I did last time.
Here’s the back story: last fall, due to finding myself still easily triggered by traumatic events in my past, I decided it was time to do some intensive work with a therapist. I started seeing someone who practices eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, or EMDR. This therapy is known to be largely effective for processing traumatic events and helping those with PTSD. I was scared, but ready to put the past behind me for good.
It only took a few sessions and I felt like I had achieved the healing for which I was seeking. I was able to reprocess some thoughts and emotions and change negative self-beliefs into positive ones. The process was super difficult but very effective, and for that I am extremely grateful. Through this, I re-discovered my commitment to being “the me” I was meant to be, as I’d partially lost that promise over time. This shifted my inner energy. I was sending out vibrations to the universe that I would no longer accept any thoughts, situations, or people in my circle that did not value me for who I was and what I could offer.
And dang it, if that didn’t eject me from situations quicker than I could blink five times…. First, I decided to leave a employer I was at, recognizing that I could find a new one where I’d be more appreciated. Then about a month later, I found myself blindsided by an unexpected breakup. A few months later, the company where I’d accepted a new job that I loved suddenly shut its doors and I was again out of work. Then, someone rear-ended my car as I was stopped at a stoplight. And now, here I am. Unemployed, single, and sore.
I understand. I made a commitment and sent energy into the universe that I was dedicated only to situations where my true self could shine through. Now I am bound to the premise that I will pursue my passions and my purpose during my short time on this green and blue sphere. Those vibrations ejected me from anything that no longer fit who I am and where I am going. It doesn’t always make sense but it is part of a bigger picture.
Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Does it suck sometimes? Yes. Do I wish on some days that I could take it all back? Absolutely. It hurts because change is uncomfortable. It leaves me feeling rattled and insecure. It seems like the ground beneath me has shifted and I am relearning how to walk. I feel like much of my life has been stripped away. But I still believe it’s worth it, because I have glimpsed what’s coming. I know what happens after the shake-up. And I am ready. I am excited!
I believe the same is true for all of us, you included. Be open to the idea that life happens partly due to our energy and the vibrations we send into the universe. Understand that sometimes “unexpected” events occur because we need to let go of ideas that no longer serve us, or unblock energy that is preventing us from being who we are meant to be. Look for the lessons in life, knowing that there may be some purpose for why (at least some) things happen. Embrace the future, knowing that you have the power to manifest peace, joy, love, and happiness. Good things are coming… be ready.
Photo by Casey Fyfe on Unsplash